The Story of Blade the Dobie

10 replies [Last post]
Joined: 2011-06-21

Pet Profiles

Hey guys. I'm thinking about/getting ready to start writing a little mini novel, & in it one of the main characters owns a Doberman named Blade, who appears regularly. I just thought I'd post this section that will be in the first chapter just to let you guys criticize/praise my interpretations of the Dobie. If you guys wish, I'll continue updating this thread with sections where Blade does something cute or something that may make you cry. HOWEVER, if you think it's against the rules of the site or this thread needs to be moved, PLEASE let me know ASAP, okay? Thanks! Anyways, enjoy!

In this section, Harry, an attack dog trainer/handler & trainer of pit-fighting dogs, & his pet pit bull return to their hidey-hole while Harry nurses a badly bitten & broken hand. Blade's reaction to Harry & his owner, James, in my opinion, perfectly mimics the aloofness most Dobies show to those other than their one true love, their owner. Yes, Blade is humanized much in this story, no I do not support the humanization of dogs.

*  *  *

Harry burst into the den, screaming at the top of his lungs, blood dripping onto the floor. Striker came trotting in after his master. Blade looked up, what seemed like concern crossing his face when he saw Harry's mangled hand. He jumped down off the couch, nudging the torn appendage with his nose, crimson liquid pooling over his muzzle & onto the floor. A little whimper escaped from Blade's throat.

"It'll be fine, old boy." Harry reassured the dog.

"Those mutts, I thought I had him at my mercy. Beware the pack attack, Blade. Beware the pack attack." Blade, satisfied that Harry's injury was not life-threatening, turned his attention to more pressing matters. Nose to the ground, he began smelling the floor by the closed door leading to the staircase going up to the main floor, as if trying to find a way out.

"Blade, James is not home now, you know that. Contrary to what he may make you think, you are not the center of the universe. Now get over here, come sit on the couch with me." Blade turned his head in the direction of the voice, watching as Harry wrapped his hand with athletic tape & Striker stared off into space. The dog placed his attention back on the door, staring at it fixedly.

"Blade! I said get over here, now!" Blade's ears flattened into a submissive position, but he otherwise did not move. Harry finally stood up, grabbing hold of the dog's collar, giving it a sharp jerk.

"Move!" Blade defied the man's orders, hunkering down on the ground, letting out a low, warning growl. On the verge of giving up, Harry gave Blade a quick, sharp kick in the hip, the Doberman letting out a loud yelp, curling into a submissive position, but still refusing to move. Before any more violence could occur, a slow, high-pitched whistling cut through the silence. Blade's already erect ears pricked up at their highest point, his attention rapt. The door burst open as James came striding into the room. Blade's joyous barking & lunging released him from Harry's grip. The Doberman leaped as high up as he could, plunging straight as an arrow, right into James' chest. But James was ready. Bracing himself as best he could, he caught his dog as he jumped, one hand supporting the hind quarters, the other guarding the dog's left shoulder to keep him from slipping. Harry took in the scene before him. Blade's forelegs & head were resting on his owner's shoulders, eyes half closed, ears tipped back in the submissive-I-love-you position.

"My dog's never done that to me!"

James laughed. "One, you use far too much abuse to make Striker obey. Two, your dog only fears you, he doesn't respect, trust, or love you. And three, you don't have a Doberman." Harry just rolled his eyes into the back of his head, exiting the room, leaving the two lovebirds looked in their embrace.

Dabbles's picture
Offline
Joined: 2009-02-20

Don't know about the rules for the forum...  This should probably be under the last section "Off Topic Chit-Chat" even tho' it is about dobes.

Only comments I have are for the last paragraph.  Instead of "the dog obey." use the dog's name - Stryker?  Oops, Striker.  I would also use the words "fears you" rather than "trusts you"...  Most canines don't trust someone who uses abuse to get obedience..

The only other request I have is please put a warning up for the crying parts!  Kinda like we do when we have a funny story & warn "put the coffee cup down" (so the coffee doesn't get spilled or spit out over the keyboard...).  I claim to have over-active tear ducts - My family claims I cry over Hallmark card commercials.  (I still haven't been able to read the last part of "Marley & Me" and used 4 or 5 boxes of tissues reading "Old Yeller"- sp?)

Joined: 2011-06-21

Pet Profiles

Thank you for your input, Dabbles, it is helpful. Before I edit the first post or update the thread, let me ask you, do you know how to move a thread???

Dabbles's picture
Offline
Joined: 2009-02-20

Nope!  but you evidently do - or else Alpha helped! 

Joined: 2011-06-21

Pet Profiles

I figured it out right after I posted. Update to come soon

Lady Kate's picture
Offline
Joined: 2009-10-28

Pet Profiles

PBT..I like it..

 If you PM me, we can compare notes on our soon-to-be-best-sellers..

Two things on this post though.. humanizing your character will appeal to your reader.. Who is your target audience>?

Dabbles's picture
Offline
Joined: 2009-02-20

PBT - WARNING!!!!  Kate's 1st chapter will have you weeping your eyes out if you have only 1 sentimental cell in your body!  For anyone who loves dogs like we do...  it's tortuous!

My editing services are available to anyone who needs them...  I write children's books and am leaving the novels to y'all.  You get to write more complex sentences than I -

Lady Kate's picture
Offline
Joined: 2009-10-28

Pet Profiles

Geez my Dabs.. thank you.. You are indeed a great editor and I appreciate all you've done.. ( see credits)

I was going for 'weepage' ( it's a word)

we've been so consumed with the house restoration, that I've had to put The Life and Times of a DoberDiva on the back burner. I miss writing.. and my biggest challenge with this one is to meld that horrific prologue into the light hearted story of our girl.. The fact that it very well could be her beginnings.. makes me ponder.. I've been agonizing for months now..

Joined: 2011-06-21

Pet Profiles

I are sorry you've been agonizing, Kate.

Lady Kate's picture
Offline
Joined: 2009-10-28

Pet Profiles

It's what writers do..

Looking forward to reading your manuscript.. please feel free to send it to me

I have the great fortune of belonging to a writer's workshop who are so willing to help edit and suggest.. it's a good thing!!

Joined: 2011-06-21

Pet Profiles

Awesome! I'll send it whenever it's done. No idea when that will be