It's been too long!!!

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Sir-Phin's picture
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It's been quite some time since I last posted anything. Life has just been smacking us between the eyes with more than anyone should be expected to deal with in such a short amount of time. 

So the last time I was here,  we were dealing with my father in law being diagnosed with kidney and lung cancer, well he went through treatment for both by having a kidney and 2/3 of his one lung removed surgically within 5 weeks of each other.  During the lung surgery, 10 lymph nodes were removed for testing.  It was then discovered that he had Lymphoma, and that chemo needed to be started immediately.  Dad spent last summer going through 21 day cycles of chemo, which ended in September.  He did incredible with chemo, very rarely got sick from it for more than a couple days.  

On November 28th my dad passed away.  After 3 years of defying the odds medically, dad passed peacefully and quickly.  His nurse was in his room doing his morning washing routine, she had turned around long enough to gather supplies to shave his beard, and that's when he took one last deep breath and slipped away.

December 1st, we had a small family luncheon to celebrate both mom and dads life at a local restaurant.  My father in law joined us for the luncheon, which was surprising because he thought that he was coming down with something that was leaving him nauseated and dizzy.

By December 11th my father in law insisted on going to the ER to be checked out, he was admitted that night for severe dehydration.  Further testing and evaluation led to having both a CT and MRI done, it was at that time that it was discovered that chemo did not work and that his lymphoma had indeed metastasized and his nausea and dizziness was being caused by a large tumor at the base of his brain stem.

On December 21 he was moved into hospice and deteriorated very rapidly over the next 11 days, succumbing to his cancer on January 1st.

So sadly, within 5 weeks we lost both of our dads.

I hope to be around more now that my life has finally calmed down without daily visits to the hospital.

 

Corinne

chris b.'s picture
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Joined: 2011-01-20

Corinne, So sorry for your losses.  I lost my husband on 1/9 and my Tory on 2/27.  I have thought of you often, wondering how you were holding up and how your father in law was.  Good to see you back.  wish you had some good news for us.  How is Phin?  Tony is having a hard time dealing with the losses.  Keep your chin up, and please, express my sympathy to you husband and the rest of the family

((hugs))

Chris

Sir-Phin's picture
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Phin is doing well, he's already 2 years old and still funny as always.

We now have a 4 month old cockapoo in the family, she's my 9 year old daughters puppy.  She wasn't handling the loss of both grandfathers too well and one suggestion was to get a small comfort companion for her, so the opportunity to have Isabella the cockapoo join our family came about suddenly and we took it.  She has been an amazing addition to our family and seems to turn Mia's upset/depression around.

Sir-Phin's picture
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I'm so sorry to hear about your losses as well. Looks like they happened about as quickly as ours did, not an easy time.  You barely catch your breath from one loss and you're right back into it again.

 

((((HUGS)))) to you Chris, I'm here if you need to talk.

Corinne

gingersmommy's picture
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Corrine, I'm sorry for both of your losses. The loss of a parent is especially hard because they are such a huge part of our lives and there is so much history there.  My mom passed away on December 4.  My sister and I had visited her that Saturday and then two days later, on Monday, we got a call that she was very serious and not doing well.  She passed the following evening.

Time helps but things are never quite the same.  You think more; even though things can be great, you're a little more somber.  I guess that's just the circle of life.

chris b.'s picture
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Gingersmommy, I am so sorry for your loss.  A friend once told me that you never quite get over loosing you Mom,  I lost mine in 2000 and she was right.  It does get easier, but I still have time I want to ask here advice, or how to spell something, or who that actor was, all those things that Mom knows.  It's almost like, um, now I have to be the adult.  I lost my Dad 6  years ago, same with him, he was the one I could always depend on. Sorry, didn't mean to sound depressing.  

Glad you got to see you Mom one last time.  I'm sure it will be a memory you and your sister will always cherish.  Take care of yourself, and let Ginger and the rest of the family take care of you.

((huggs)) to you  and yours,

Chris 

Lady Kate's picture
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Well CRAP! Corinne, Maryanne, and Chris.. three of my favorite gal pals.. and my heart aches for you.

I suppose it's a 'passage of life.' That's what 'they ' say.. but sometimes I wonder what 'they' know.

 

I have no words of comfort. Wish I did.. just know that I'm praying for all of you.. just for peace with this pain.

Time is the only thing you have on your side right now.. that and this Forum who loves you and would do anything they could to help ease the pain of such devastating losses.

Grab the blessings that come your way. Even the little ones.

chris b.'s picture
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thanks Kate

Sir-Phin's picture
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thanks Kate.

Maryanne, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss as well.  I think that even though I was there so often with my dad over the last 3 years, whether it was a regular visit or a middle of the night crisis call from the hospital thinking that he wasn't going to make it till morning, my dad did it his way and made sure that I wasn't there at the end.  I don't think he wanted me to have to endure watching him take his last breath, it was the only thing that he was in control of with a body that no longer did what he wanted it to do.

The same with my father in law, he waited till both of his sons were out of the room and took one last deep breath and passed peacefully to the other side.  

It was so strange with my father in law, in the days prior to his actual passing he said a couple of times that he was standing at the gate in his dreams and all he had to do was to swing open the gate and step forward.  The night he passed, he was sedated wth morphine for the pain he was experiencing from the brain tumor, and in the hours leading up to his final breath, he kept moving his one arm up in front of him and then to the side as though he was swinging open the gate, but just wasn't ready to walk through.

Joined: 2012-10-28

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So Sorry for your loss. We missed you. I hope that yours and your husbands shared experience at so close a time, I dont know, maybe allows deeper understanding... 

When Michael's Dad lay dying he actually woke up and looked at us and said..."I'm still here????"

I think he spiritually had already passed that pearly gate.

Michaels 98 year old grandfather just passed... very quietly.... 3 hours after coming home from the hospital to hear the waves one more time....

Go outside with the dog and breath the fresh spring air. The world revives itself in many untold ways.

Thanks for letting us know

PB and Julia and Michael

gingersmommy's picture
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Thanks, everyone.  My husband, sister-in-law, my one niece and I were with my mom when she passed.  She was a devout Catholic and especially devoted to the Virgin Mary and St. Therese, the Little Flower.  I grew up with that as part of my childhood and these old Catholic beliefs have carried over into my whole adult life.  When we knew my mother was taking her last breath, we held her hands and said the Our Father and Hail Mary and hoped that she would be escorted to the other side to greet my dad and other loved ones and experience being enveloped by God's presence and pure love. 

Does anyone watch "I Survived... Beyond and Back"?  It is a show that features personal accounts of people who have died, gone to the other side and come back because it isn't yet their time.  I find this show hugely inspirational and it has helped me so much.  I don't know how people cannot believe in God or an afterlife after hearing these stories. I pray for my mother every night and various other people. And I pray for a few people I've known who haven't been so great in this world, that through the interscession of prayer, that God will rescue them.

Sorry to wax philosophical, but one of the episodes on "I Survived... Beyond and Back" featured a guy who admittedly had led a terrible life here.  When he passed, he went to what he said was "hell," and it was everything of legend.  He was describing how awful it was and the hopelessness and despair he felt and he knew that this is where his previous life had taken him.  He said amazingly he looked up from the depths and saw a light which got brighter and brighter, and then the Hand of God reached down and grabbed him up and took him out of there. 

I was thinking about it and in eternity, I don't think time exists, so a few minutes to us of being dead could be the same as someone who was down there for a lifetime or three lifetimes - it's all the same.  I was always taught that people here praying for people who have passed can help rescue someone, especially if they feel remore for their actions. 

Anyway... today is a beautiful day.

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OMG I am so sorry to hear about ALL these losses, all I can say is OMG, so many in such a short time.....all I can say is I am so sorry and I will keep you and yours in my prayers I just can't believe all these passings.....amazing......know I am here thinking of you all!!!!! Hugs to everyone......