Crazy Wedding stories

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Joined: 2012-10-28

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After reading Talisin's wonderful and inspirational tale i would like to share a story i wrote about our wedding day, and encourage other Gd friends to follow up! Everybody knows crazy things happen at weddings!

  The Wedding Morning

Someone was banging on my hotel room door. After 5 hours of sleep, at 7 am, it wasn’t time yet for my best friend Rachelle to arrive and help me in preparing to get hitched.
  My Mom and her boyfriend Charles were staying in the same hotel as I was, in Sausalito, which was so small, the proprietors didn’t stay the night since they lived next door. When I answered the banging, there was my Mom, totally distraught with panic, trying to explain how she and Charles had been out for an early morning stroll on the waterfront, and suddenly he’d got an unstoppable nose bleed. She cried ” did I have any ice” “did I know where the manager was” and “oh what was she to do”. It was inconceivable to her that nobody was at the front desk. There were lots of signs, emergency phone numbers etc. how to reach the owners, but she hadn’t seen them in her fear. 
      I calmly told her that I was getting married that day, and that I couldn’t help her. Even so, I wanted to ease her anguish, somehow. I felt shocked and helpless, and worried about what their day would become. I was pretty sleepy too, and went back to bed. There, I started thinking that there must be some way I could help them short of going with them to the hospital. Then a light went on in my head and I jumped out of bed, wrapped my kimono around me, blocked my room and the front doors open, and rushed out to the driveway. 
      There they were in the car, trying to get it out of the tight and steep parking area. Charles had a white and red bloodstained towel stuffed on his face, Mom was practically delirious in frustration with Charles’ car, and with insurmountable fear for Charles’ health, which is delicate. The bleeding by that time had been heavy for 1 ½ hours. They were hell bent on speeding away before they realized it was me banging on the window. I suggested they go to Michael’s hotel in Mill Valley, were our dear friend Dr. David was in the room next to Michael. Zooming out the driveway and down the street, I hoped they’d make it at least that far without an accident. Watching them leave I was uncertain if they would attend our wedding.
       Back in my room I called Lorelei, David’s wife, and apprised her of the situation. Then I went back to bed and tried to control my rising anticipation. Michael was awakened with the news that my Mom and Charles were on the way over with a medical emergency. When they arrived, Dr. David, who is an emergency room doctor in LA, was in his element, and for 15 minutes tried unsuccessfully to stop Charles’ nosebleed, while Michael looked on, in the hotel parking lot. Soon, taking his life in his hands, David got into the back seat, holding the towel and Charles head from there. Mom is an awful driver in the best of conditions; I heard the ride was worse than any crazy ambulance for David.
At Marin General, they got very good and unbelievably fast service, because of David. He even knew someone on their ER staff. They cauterized Charles’ nose, and he pleaded with them to not pack it. Understandably, the stricken man didn’t want a pile of packing cotton showing on his upper lip at the wedding of his lady’s daughter.
       Soon Rachelle showed up, and we quietly proceeded to make the bouquets for my sister Anja and I. Rachelle made a  lovely dress corsage with gardenia and orange blossom  for Sandy (Michaels Mom) and I made a  protea wrist corsage for Nancy (my Mom). They all came out beautifully. Rachelle had brought some blooming eucalyptus from Stinson Beach, which I incorporated into Anja’s peach rose and protea bouquet. My bouquet was a cascade of maidenhair fern, peach and cream roses, white cattleya orchid and spears of white dendrobium orchid. 
       After that was done it was time to go make sure the decorating happened at the Yacht Club.  I had made numerous silk rose decorated twig wreaths to use. Rachelle and I had gone to the flower market the day before, and dozens of peach and cream Ecuadorian roses were waiting to be vased.  Michael had gone especially to the caterer’s office to get the tablecloths so we could “do” the tables. A large team of our dearest friends was ready to put it all together. Even David showed up and let us know that Mom and Charles were safely back at our hotel.  We were so grateful to him. The whole scenario with Charles’ nose had occurred so early, that they were doing ok by noon.
       At the appointed hour Rachelle whisked me away, back to the hotel for the real preparations: bath, hair and dressing for the biggest and happiest event of my life. She left while I was bathing to find some fresh gardenias for my hairpiece she’d fashion while we had a gourmet snack and champagne with Anja. It was really fun. We took goofy and serious “dressing” pictures. Mom popped in and participated, I loaned her the perfect slip to wear with her dress, which Charles had bought a matching necklace for. 
       Dad appeared to be the honored driver of the Bride and Matron of Honor, chauffeuring us down to the Yacht Club in Michael’s Cadillac. He waited patiently for his two shining daughters in the hotel lobby. He looked so handsome in his tux. I think he was duly impressed when we finally came up, but I had my coat on and Anja her kimono to cover our finery, as the plan was to make the last leg of our journey by boat.
       My dear old friend Mike had offered his beautiful “Hirolita” a 39 ft Sparkman and Stevens 1957 black yawl for our use at the wedding. I had accepted and planned to board her with Dad and Anja, for the short trip from the Horseshoe Cove marina slip to the floating dock, right below the Presidio Yacht Club deck where we would get married. I had arranged for our other boater friend, Shubie, to come over from the YC deck to the slip in order to push us off when we were ready.
So there we were, all ready and quite late for our wedding date and safely on board “Hirolita”. But where was Shubie? I looked around: Mike’s wife Sandy didn’t boat, Dad didn’t boat, and Anja definitely didn’t boat. We needed the minimum of 2 people. One to untie, shove the boat out of the slip and climb aboard, and one who could drive the boat out of the slip. To go over to the anticipating crowd and recruit someone would have spoiled this long planned surprise. Besides we were late! Obviously, I couldn’t shove off and climb aboard in my wedding gown. I knew how to do that, at least.
       So Mike said, oh so gallantly: “Julia, I’ll push us off and you drive her out of the slip, OK??  …  I couldn’t believe it had come to this and that he thought I could do it. Probably he thought I’d done it before with another boat. The fact was I’d never driven a boat into or out of its slip, ever. It’s kind of like suddenly having to drive a semi truck with no guidance or experience. In order to get married!!
I had no choice, so I replied “OK”, and Mike hopped down to shove off. I put her into reverse, backed 100ft out of the slip (into the wind), turned, shifted to forward, and gave her more gas to make the turn towards the floating dock.Mike had boarded and I cried through clenched teeth to “get the hell back here and take the helm”! He replied that I was doing great! 
      As he came back to the cockpit where we all were; a great feeling of relief and capability washed over me. I guess the hardest part really is “getting” to the altar. After my nervousness and quick success with the boat driving; I felt that anything else was easy; and I could do it, even marriage. I had a few brief moments to contemplate the twinkles of light the sun made on the Cove waters. As the warm breeze ruffled my hair I  breathed it all in and relaxed a little bit before we tied up at the little dock floating below the waiting crowd of our friends and family. 
      The arrival music for the bride was the deep repetitive boom of the Golden Gate Bridge fog horn. The bridge itself was half shrouded in thick white fog, the near half exposed and sunny. The thin fog slowly creeping over the Marin Headlands was her veil.
Good luck to all and let us remember our special days and share:)
Lady Kate's picture
Joined: 2009-10-28

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The current ruling is, for me to be on Mike's health insurance policy and property title, we have to be married in Mexico as he had applied for and received his Mexican citizenship.

The other ruling is:
We can't get married as we already are, and I'm considered a foreigner. Dilemma? No.. Mexico.

Carlos Victorino is our immigration officer. Carlos is a dead ringer for Mr. Clean but with more charisma and charm than a politician. He's pulled rabbits out of hats (very expensive hats I might add) but gets things done. Knows everyone and has probably dated their sisters. His motto is" Don't worry, it will be okay" and you know what?? He's usually right. But I digress.
While Carlos is going through his data base of mayors and officials who are looking for a quick buck, it's my happy chore to find four witnesses all in the possession of their FM2's ( Visas).. no problem, right?  My first choice is Annie and George Thompson. Annie is my closest friend here in Baja, she adopts stray dogs and people. We love her dearly. George is her husband. He has some  memory issues, but is quite funny with tall tales: real and imagined. We are happy to make allowances because we just like them both so much. They happily accept.

There's another couple that we really like. They don't live here, but when the Singletons visit they stay for a month or so, and Mike plays tennis with Ed and I aDORE Pam. She and Ed have been married for over 45 years. Great role models don’t you think? They,” of course "will be honored to witness and stand up for us.

Now there are two choices: go to the courthouse with the witnesses and have a sedate, civil ceremony followed by a sumptuous meal in one of the many five star restaurants in Ensenada. Ooorrrr.. a huge blow out complete with mariachis, flamenco dancers, fireworks and a traditional week long party. Seeing as how the wedding of my dreams include all that and would equal the national debt, we opted for sedate. Meanwhile the Thompsons  invited the Singletons and a bunch of other people out to dinner to celebrate something. (it’s always someone’s anniversary, birthday, happy new face lift, goodbye dead beat boyfriend . Who cares? we love to party here.) And in the middle of dinner, George forgot he's been life long friends with Ed and calls him a few choice names, accused him of cheating while golfing, poisoning the squirrels and trying to off his wife.
Of course Ed is put out and promptly leaves the party and who can blame him, because by now George is standing on the chair and informing most of the table that..” Ed Singleton  is a crook and should be run out of town and never be seen again.”

Guess who gets a phone call the next day..... uh huh..

 "So sorry Katie, but we just can't be your witnesses. The ceremony would be disrupted, and  it would really be most uncomfortable as there's some kind of an identity crisis going on. Best to get someone else" I of course, understand and start the search.
Well there’s Antoine and Judy. Antoine is another tennis partner. He and Judy are partners in the ownership of a house, but have separate quarters and are quick to deny any romantic entanglement. Antoine does an amazing imitation of Carol Channing . I love Carol Channing. They agreed to witness and come to the courthouse with us, but all of a sudden, Judy’s Mother passed away, she was called out of town and not sure when she'd be back. Antoine went South to San Ignacio to watch the momma whales have their babies, promptly caught pneumonia, and couldn't possibly sing for us. 
 "Best to find someone else" 
I love the Logsdon's.. , they live full time in Palos Verdes, but visit here often, are avid golfers and just a whole lot of fun.. I give them a call.. it's sorta late on a Friday night.. they've jumped into the jug earlier that day and are giddy with the thought of us getting married in Mexcio, and offer to host the shindig at their lovely villa. They don't have an FM-2, but they do have a beautiful view of the golf course with the pacific ocean as a back drop..
“Are you sure you want to do this??? It can get expensive."

"Of course.. we love you guys..get a guest list  better yet..invite EVERYONE in Bajamar, Mike's coaching staff, the instructors and anyone else you would like to see. We're gunna do this right!!"
The next day, I compose the invitation and send out over a hundred invitations. Guess who sobered up and realized that they'd have to take out a loan to foot this bill.. and:
 "We are just so sorry... ..but we'll bring some flowers and there's some terrific mushroom turnovers in our freezer.. Let's use those."

No matter, we wanted a big celebration. Now we have one..

Okay on to the more vital things.. finding two more witnesses,,.Rod and Nellie Gallardy, next door neighbors, moving here full time in a week.. Rod doesn't have his Visa yet. Sandy and Dan Straka.. Dan's real name is Danny Cyril and he doesn't want anyone to see his visa, much less offer it up to officials.Crystal and Roy Witt.. Crystal has just had a breast reduction, spent over 12 hours under anesthesia and has lost her short term memory along with her mammories and doesn’t' know me anymore.
By now my faithful matron of honor realizes she doesn't actually HAVE her documents.  "They might be in San Diego in a bank in a safety deposit box.." off she goes to San Diego to retrieve them..NOT THERE!!!
 “ Oppps.. maybe they're  with Blanca.” Her immigration officer. Let's find Blanca!!

After many phone calls, she cannot find either the paperwork or Blanca..
 Completely at a loss... I call Carlos.. "Do you know Blanca??"
" Of course I know Blanca, I know everybody, I used to date Blanca and she's in Acapulco on holiday, won't be back til April.
Don’t' worry though, 'everything will be okay,' I found a mayor who will marry you,  but you have to have the four visas to me by tomorrow. and by the way...I told them  you and Mike USED to be married that's why you have the same last name.." wink wink.”
The search is on.. I gotta find four legal people with legal identification within 24 hours or the 85 guests who have RSVP'd "yes" will be hanging out on the Logsdon's patio all by themselves..
Dan Straka relented ( I bribed him with tequila and told him no one ever reads the real names...) and lo and behold as I'm walking Sofia in the morning of the deadline day, I run into someone who is asking me about the wedding.. I have no earthly idea who they are.. Evidently they got an invitation and are coming, and have offered to be our witnesess..but WHO in Hell are these people???..Does it matter? They're warm and walking, have Visas and seem to really like us..
I grab their visas add them to the Strakas, have everyone sign in blue ink, we give our thumbprints.. I bring them to Carlos who makes copies and hands them over to the Mayor of La Mision who has agreed ( for a price) to come to Villa #57 on Sunday and marry the Robles.
"See I told you it will all work out"
Now off we go to get our blood test and set an appt with a doc who will give us the okay to wed.
The way things  have been going, I wouldn't be surprised if we are diagnosed with a deadly disease known only to the indigenous peoples of New Guinea
There have been other things that have gone wrong.. The hosts' house got flooded in the last rain, and now their electricity is kaput and the frozen mushroom turnovers are poisonous, George forgot that he threatened to have  Ed Singleton executed by firing squad and wonders why he's not witnessing. And that his sweet wife of 45 years, Pam… is not really a crack whore. Judy  is back from Texas,her Mom is safely buried and Antoine’s  bout with pneumonia has left him with a raspy, Lauren Bacall voice that frankly, is very appealing.
Through all this Mike has been an absolute saint. Has watched the tantrums and hand wringing of the blushing bride, Listened intently while she wailed and sobbed that "All this is just not going right!! Why did we agree to do this? Are you sure you want to marry me? My eyes are all red and puffy!!"
 Actually he has conveniently caught a nasty cold and is taking the healing waters of Nyquil and Vodka and has camped out on the sofa murmuring something about ‘no pre-marital sex.’ Bless his heart...
.. good thing it's only five days away...not enough time for much else to go wrong..
 or is it????.
Good Lord, how in the world could I ever think it was over? At the last minute, the Mayor of LaMision decided that even though it was legal to keep the hush money, it would not be ethical to marry us..

 I'm looking for a minister, a priest, a man of the cloth a RABBI..anyone who can perform a ceremony. My friend Joel from my writer’s workshop says he has a mail order certificate.

 "Will that work??"

"Bring it on.. You’re now Father Joey"

The blessed day is tomorrow.. I can't imagine anything else that can happen, can you?? Sure you can. You’ve read my other short stories.We cannot find our minister.. it’s been several days and many phone calls.. but he finally emerges from the depths of one of the local cantinas… a little wobbly but none the worse for wear. He is a method actor and decides to take this role of minister seriously.

My dress arrives direct from Mexico City, pristine white with a few handpainted appliqued flowers, bridey and semi-virginal. The Groom is recovering from the Nyquil/Vodka overdose, Sofia has decided all this is just too much and decides to sleep through it all.

Actually it was a lovely ceremony. Our favorite classical guitarist Paco from La Fonda.. ( Julia… if you’re reading this, you know Paco.) Father Joey had once played the part of a defrocked priest in one of his plays and is superb.. There are 85 guests…all clamoring for a dance with the bride.. Joel looks so much like the actual mayor of La Mision that they ask him to fix a parking ticket..

This was four years ago.. we’re still married… but STILL not in Mexico.

chris b.'s picture
Joined: 2011-01-20

Great stories! Mine is shorter and fittingly includes a dobe :)!  Eight years ago today, actually.  It was the second marriage for  both of us.  We wanted something small, just our kids and my Dad.  Everyone was there except Scott and Tony.  Tory was with me, Scott had just joined the NYPD and Tony was living in NYC with him. I worked half a day, picked up the flowers and the cake and came home to cook.  With 12 people coming, cooking was no big deal.  We had a very small kitchen so once I started cooking I moved the cake to the kitchen table, away from the stove.  Something was going on outside and David called me out to see it.  Came back in, about 2 minutes later and Miss Tory was eatting wedding cake!  She didn't have much, just licked the frosting off one side of the cake.  It was a perfect day.   

talisin's picture
Joined: 2011-02-25

well I can add two stories since I have been married twice, neither of which went as planned.

my first wedding was Oct. 16, I wanted a Halloween wedding but my soon to be first husband had studied to be a minister and he felt that would be unacceptable, but I had it planned in my head so one day I WILL have that wedding!!! parents and I went to New York state for a vacation, we toured the vineyards and I bought a beautiful set of wine glasses and a wooden crate with 3 bottles of champagne to be used for the wedding, carried them all the way back to NC only to be told by my fiance' that there was no way that champagne would be served his family would not attend if alcohol was served I told him too bad it was being served, money was very very tight so I needed to find a dress on sale I knew what I wanted but that was WAY too expensive so then I decided I wanted something kinda wintery looking, my mom called me at work and said she found it and it was on sale!!! sure enough it was gorgeous but I was a size 00 and the dress a size 10 they said they couldn't alter it that much and I said do the best you can.....they managed to get it to a size 5 so it hung on me but it was ok and looked very pretty, I couldn't afford any bouquets including mine, so I made them all - the bridesmaid (2) and a matron of honor (his sister) and I made my own bouquet and my hat....since it was a winter dress it had marabou for the "fur" look  - I had an old muff from when I was a child, the kind you slip your hands into when they get cold.... and I managed to sew a huge magnolia blossom on the it and surround it with thistles in purple that was my bouquet, my hat - my aunt gave me and old pill box type hat that I used for a form and surrounded it with marabou for a winter hat; my friend loaned me her diamond earrings. I needed flowers for the aisles etc. but couldn't afford them so I went to a dept. store like walmart called Roses and I got all their potted plants on sale since it was Oct. and they served double duty - I gave them to my girls for their "gifts" of thank you.....only 30 people showed up; I had chosen an old historic home locally to get married in but they didn't want that sort of reputation hahahaha, so I was the first person married in the house and now it's THE place to get married.....that day I was upstairs standing at the window and was thinking "I really don't want to do this" and I stared out the window praying he would stand me up......I then saw him pull in in his old chevy truck.....and I made a deal with myself that if my "dad" came up and asked me, like he had asked all my friends when they got married, if I was sure I wanted to do this - I was going to say no and leave......He came up and I waited with great anticipation for that question and it didn't come - what I got was "are you ready they're waiting" so I clammed up, shut up and sealed away a piece of my heart and walked down the steps and down the we finished up it began to snow, yes on Oct. 16 it was snowing and as we headed to the truck my then husband gave me the keys to the truck and said "you drive" - REALLY.....I drove us out of the driveway and by the time we got to my apartment there was an inch of snow on the ground.....that marriage was doomed but I stuck it out for 2 1/2 years.....met my current husband and other than the funny story of the night I left the rest is history.......

The cute part of my second marriage is that after a year of being married it came to light that my husband and I played together as very young children!!! and I didn't like him hahahahaha....and my grandfather had purchased a new type of car a Toyota and when he died in 1981 he left my grandmother with it and she used to drive it to the gas station, a self serve mind you, and she would get the attendant to pump her gas hahahaha, she would tell me that and I would tell her you can't go to self serve and get an attendant to pump for you and she said that nice young man doesn't mind and he works on toyota's too, I thought oh my god she's getting the gas station guy to work on her car what the crap is going to happen to her car that we won't be able to fix....I also used to smoke in my teens and early 20's and I would stop at that station to get my cigarettes and sure enough it was self serve; so when it was getting close to time to get married I drove to my grandmothers and when we got out of the car I was about to introduce her to Danny but before I could - I turned to see she had run up to him and thrown her arms around his neck and said "IT'S THE NICE YOUNG MAN FROM THE GAS STATION!!!" so all those years he had been taking care of my grandmother!!! without me knowing it, and he IS the toyota man to fix your car!!!! so I knew then why she felt she could trust him......I was so touched that I chose the same young man that she chose to care for her after her husband, my grandfather, died.......and as it turns out recently we learned that my husband's aunt (his mom's sister) worked above where I used to live growing up in my early to late teens and she was pouring chemicals into the stream that my brother and our friends used to play in and now that plant has been classified as a Superfund site and is being monitored by EPA, Erin Brocivitch and the government, turns out that his aunt died from the chemicals she poured into that creek and we remember not playing in it when it had brown foamy stuff floating on it etc. etc.

so our paths were crossing all the time in one way or another and we didn't know it......

I have tons of stories but thats enough for now :))

Lady Kate's picture
Joined: 2009-10-28

Pet Profiles

I aDORE crossed lovers stories and Mike and I have enough for a screenplay.. in fact.. we've already started it.. Too bad Serendipity has already been used.. as that indeed is the history of our relationship.. ( we even attended the same Dodger game in Los Angels as youngsters)

Goes to show, God has a plan for us and no matter how we try to trick Him.... He will always do what's right for us... eventually.....P.S. God doesn't wear a watch..

Hope to read more stories.. come on y'all.. bring 'em on.................

MommaL's picture
Joined: 2014-06-15

Just stumbled across this thread again.  Since we are celebrating 20 years married in May ... I will contribute a story.

I was working my first "real" job after college.  I was 28 and was nearly convinced marriage was not in my cards. My boss invited me to fly to Ruidoso for the weekend ... after I caught my breath for chewing him out about my integrity, he restated that his wife invited me too. (Oops)  Having no other plans, I went with the group of 3 couples.  Shortly after arriving, was asked if I was interested in meeting a nice divorcee with two kids.  No thank you, I said as I rolled my eyes and walked away.  That trip was my first Racehorse sale and I loved the horses, loved the mountain, loved the change of scenery. 

I happened to notice a guy all starched and spiffy showing horses.  One smile with dimples across his cheeks and the game was on.  He kept smiling so I kept smiling back.  The game was noticed by others too and one of the gals on the trip asked me if I was sure I didn't want to meet the divorcee.  I said no thank you, again, as graciously as I could.  She said ok and walked off.  The game continued.  A few hours later, she asked me the question again.  I was annoyed at this point, and said that unless the starchy guy with the dimples was the divorcee, that I REALLY wasn't interested.  She giggled and said: "So, you wanna meet Larry?!"

As the evening progressed, I have never seen 6 adults play musical chairs with such precision to arrange for two people to end up sitting next to each other!  We talked a while and he left back to Texas that night.  The next day, I played golf with the couples and while enduring "abundant grief", informed them that I was going to marry that guy.  They all laughed.  He was calling my boss for my number before our plane even landed back in Texas and we've been together since.  My boss and his wife had known Larry for years and he had previously worked for them. 

It hasn't been without challenges, but it has been an adventure.